Living with an invisible illness (such as multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, lupus, Crohn’s, chronic fatigue, or any of the variety of others) takes guts. Those of us who battle such conditions daily often seem to have a certain amount of independent spirit and spunk. That’s important, as it keeps us fighting.
But it also makes it tougher for us to ask for help, even when we need it.
Consider a holiday like Thanksgiving, for example. Have you ever tried hosting a large family gathering, only to find the angry hidden beast of invisible illness attacks in a frenzy, sapping energy and making even routine daily tasks a whole lot harder?
Maybe we’ve all been there.
Or perhaps the occasion isn’t marked by a full-scale exacerbation, and we feel pretty good. So we do and overdo. We work and overwork. We keep going and going and going.
Eventually we run out of gas, even if it’s the next day.
Again we chastise ourselves, “Why didn’t I ask for help?”
And we know it’s because “help” is a four-letter word with invisible illness. We are reluctant to enlist assistance. We may even reject help when it’s offered, claiming we can do it ourselves. We might have pleaded for help before and been denied, so we’ve stopped asking.
Color me thankful today.
A few members of my own family have really clued in lately, especially in the past year or so. After a long time of relatively smooth sailing (as far as MS is concerned), I started experiencing a ramping up of some difficult symptoms. My energy and activity levels dropped dramatically. Like any other invisible illness battler, I wanted to keep on doing life in all the ways I always had.
For years, I’d been like the Little Red Hen in the well-known children’s story, offering to do it all myself.
But how refreshing it was to find these special people stepping in and stepping up. This year, they insisted on coming over and cooking Thanksgiving dinner – right in my house. Sure, I did some assisting, but they did all of the heavy lifting, proverbially and practically speaking. It was amazing, and we all had a blast, sharing my little kitchen to pull the whole thing together.
Maybe I should have invited such help long before now. But you know, “help” is a four-letter word with invisible illness. We hate to ask.
Related items:
- Cooking with MS: It's all about timing
- Hold on! Having MS, I'm thankful for ...
- How do you manage MS for the holiday season?
- Learning to plan down-days
- Mama’s not faking … or bellyaching.
- Should you tell people you have MS?
- What if a spouse urges an MSer to file for disability?
- Who goes with you to your MS appointments?
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